Cycles
Left in the dark room slightly illuminated by the small candle, my focus begins to move to the walls of the dim hallway. Unfamiliar and ominous objects form a blurred shape in my vision. My curiosity grows, I begin to move from my sitting position and reach out for the candle, but pull back in hesitation. Chills come over my chest, sensations crawl up my neck and a great pressure chokes me. I ran back into the torture chamber and close the bars. My heart pounding and my stomach contorting into a mess of shaking spells. Huddling in the corner of my familiar damp cell, I curse the light. The light drew me out of my place. I belong in this place of chains. I am not meant to be out of my chamber.
Deep within myself anger burst forth. Unable to vocalize the internal screams, I took each chain and violently slapped them on my wrists and ankles and beat my chest. I wanted the pressure to stop. I wanted the invisible hands choking me to stop. But what shook me to the core was how familiar and concrete these hands felt. I must be going crazy, because my mind and body set forth a great battle against one another. Reality and the empirical were set at odds; the only error left to be determined must remained in my perception. Yet I had accurately seen the light and felt its warm. Comforting light, why did you deceive me?
I slam the floor. "How could I be so stupid? Everything good always ends up just being something bad. I am safer here."
That's not true.
My mind went blank. The voice of reason still echoed through the caverns. Frozen, my mind racing, I slowly turn my body to survey the area. Again my mind and body are at war. The implications of believing in good things would mean that I am bad, or that my life is the result of an awful mess of circumstances. Part of me wanted to believe the unfamiliar voice, and the other part wanted to stay in my chamber. Then a flash of torture comes flooding to the forefront of my eyes.
My heart seemed to stop, my breathe caught in my lungs, I thought the moment would last forever. Then as quick as the memory came it went, leaving behind a flood of emotions. Tears came and I beat my chest until I began to bleed, and sleep came.
A sharp pain in my chest jolts me awake. My whole body aches and feels heavy. I cannot raise my limbs up from the floor. The sight of the blood from the chains around my wrists and ankles brings vomit from my stomach. "What had I done? Why did I torture myself, and cause of my own pain." Trying to work through the haze surrounding me, I breathe in deeply and determine to reach for the key. Slowly, I unlock myself chain by chain carefully removing each shackle. Looking up I see the same light still burning on the candle.
Again, hope drew me to the warm light. Although painful to leave my cell, I also saw the danger of my own self. How could I trust my mind? If my version of truth keeps leading down the way of torture, I might destroy myself. I remember the voice, saying that my thoughts were untrue. That voice that shook my core and brought forth a challenge to my mind. I must trust this voice. The words felt true.
With an ounce of courage, I open the bars and crawl out to be with the light. I sit down next to it and fall asleep from exhaustion and sleep soundly in the light's calming presence.
Deep within myself anger burst forth. Unable to vocalize the internal screams, I took each chain and violently slapped them on my wrists and ankles and beat my chest. I wanted the pressure to stop. I wanted the invisible hands choking me to stop. But what shook me to the core was how familiar and concrete these hands felt. I must be going crazy, because my mind and body set forth a great battle against one another. Reality and the empirical were set at odds; the only error left to be determined must remained in my perception. Yet I had accurately seen the light and felt its warm. Comforting light, why did you deceive me?
I slam the floor. "How could I be so stupid? Everything good always ends up just being something bad. I am safer here."
That's not true.
My mind went blank. The voice of reason still echoed through the caverns. Frozen, my mind racing, I slowly turn my body to survey the area. Again my mind and body are at war. The implications of believing in good things would mean that I am bad, or that my life is the result of an awful mess of circumstances. Part of me wanted to believe the unfamiliar voice, and the other part wanted to stay in my chamber. Then a flash of torture comes flooding to the forefront of my eyes.
My heart seemed to stop, my breathe caught in my lungs, I thought the moment would last forever. Then as quick as the memory came it went, leaving behind a flood of emotions. Tears came and I beat my chest until I began to bleed, and sleep came.
A sharp pain in my chest jolts me awake. My whole body aches and feels heavy. I cannot raise my limbs up from the floor. The sight of the blood from the chains around my wrists and ankles brings vomit from my stomach. "What had I done? Why did I torture myself, and cause of my own pain." Trying to work through the haze surrounding me, I breathe in deeply and determine to reach for the key. Slowly, I unlock myself chain by chain carefully removing each shackle. Looking up I see the same light still burning on the candle.
Again, hope drew me to the warm light. Although painful to leave my cell, I also saw the danger of my own self. How could I trust my mind? If my version of truth keeps leading down the way of torture, I might destroy myself. I remember the voice, saying that my thoughts were untrue. That voice that shook my core and brought forth a challenge to my mind. I must trust this voice. The words felt true.
With an ounce of courage, I open the bars and crawl out to be with the light. I sit down next to it and fall asleep from exhaustion and sleep soundly in the light's calming presence.
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