Treasures in the Darkness

I have fallen victim to another late night blog of greatest inspiration on my cell phone lost to the lack of forethought and awareness of my battery. The unsaved brilliance will forever be lost. I suspect that most creative writers believe the loss to be of some their most illuminating material. Although I suspect emotional attachment disillusions the reality usually revealed in time spent editing the "late-night flow of consciousness brilliance". My inspiration lacks the same luster for it is motivated by great fear and confusion about a decision. I am sitting on the cusp of a change, one that I have been working towards for several months during an extremely well-timed, restful, and uncomfortable season of life. This transitional period seems already to be one of the most critical of my lifetime, further movement forward will prove the importance, but next to deciding to marry my spouse and stay married during the onslaught of pain from my abusive past,...

The greatest amount of distraction could not erase the empty knot developing in my stomach in a slow churning motion, leaving me nauseated and uninspired. Today is supposed to be a day of change, but there is nothing moving in my will, spirit, heart, or mind. I am numb and faking any real hope I may possess deep in my heart. Follow your heart, it will always take you home, or a religious one, Where your heart is, there also is your treasure.  These phrases seem trite considering the heart is but a mound of beating flesh and I don't have a home, not a one that would be safe for my heart. My feelings, soul, and emotions are not to be relied upon or trusted. The smallest word, look, or off-putting tone can change them in the moment. Although, I am able to control them slightly better now than I did in the past because of my mind. I have a new home.  My dearest husband, who has and will continue to give me all of his love, knows my instability and brokenness very well. He has ...