Despair for the Night, or Many NIGHTS.
Heaviness... Greater than the weight of an elephant crushing the chest, heaviness rests on me. My entire body is filled with a thick muck, making each step seem too laborious. I rest my eyelids, but the fatigue of tossing and turning all night long overshadows my ability to find rest. I am undone. Life is pulling at my every thought, weighing down the processing of any emotion minus one: dread. The fear causes a narrowing focus on the darkness alone. I am unable to see the light in this conscious choice of blindness. Even witnessing the laughter of others causes pain and isolation. Loneliness.... Overwhelming isolation envelops the air. I am unable to think of one person who can relate or understand my perspective. Born into an unspeakable evil, I have lived a life filled to the brim with evil, hatred, manipulation, shame and sorrow. A life of only demented love, one void compassion, and absent of joy. A life not worth living at all. Looking back, I had one constant hope ...