Treasures in the Darkness

These words were penned in my journal about six months ago. Some thoughts on feeling lost and hopeless. "I am a victim. A person caught up by the choices of others in a fury of a terrible storm. My life has been carried out in the riptide further away from the shore. I found myself in the middle of the sea, battered, exhausted, mouth full of salt, completely disoriented with no sense of the shore. For a long time my body just lay staring upwards pondering the current state of my existence. How did I get to this place? Why didn’t my desire to overcome the current cause me to swim? I was paralyzed yet teaming pools of energy bounced around my heart. When would I be able to move?" The purpose of the blog is to show my journey through pain. I have come a long way from the start of my journey, but I am still in the process of walking through the valley of the shadow of death and darkness. When I started this journey several years ago, a trusted advisor told me that maybe ...

The recent events of the horrible world of evil impacted several precious innocents' and tender educators' families. Greatly interrupted, the lives of hundreds, and to a smaller impact a nation, feels the sting of injustice, violence, selfishness, destruction, and hopelessness. The myriad of horrible emotions consume those whose future experiences with their precious children, are forever lost. Unable to face the perpetrator, who violently stole the future of their loved ones and then took his own life and his loved one's lives, leaves the victim's family unable to inflict justice on the perpetrator or to find some consolation that the perpetrator's family also would be forever destroyed. The perpetrator evilly planned to leave no such victim behind. Exclusive in their particular pain, the families' alone will forever feel the whole/hole of this pain in it's life-long entirety. Every Christmas season will be hard, bec...

Left in the dark room slightly illuminated by the small candle, my focus begins to move to the walls of the dim hallway. Unfamiliar and ominous objects form a blurred shape in my vision. My curiosity grows, I begin to move from my sitting position and reach out for the candle, but pull back in hesitation. Chills come over my chest, sensations crawl up my neck and a great pressure chokes me. I ran back into the torture chamber and close the bars. My heart pounding and my stomach contorting into a mess of shaking spells. Huddling in the corner of my familiar damp cell, I curse the light. The light drew me out of my place. I belong in this place of chains. I am not meant to be out of my chamber. Deep within myself anger burst forth. Unable to vocalize the internal screams, I took each chain and violently slapped them on my wrists and ankles and beat my chest. I wanted the pressure to stop. I wanted the invisible hands choking me to stop. ...

A long time ago in my mind, not so long ago in actual time, I attempted at hiding in blogs about the suprising blessings aroung me. These blessing were things that I was required to see to satisfy the needs of my own hiding in spirituality. My invisible requirement to search for unseen blessings induced a great pressure on my soul to hide the dismal scene of destruction laid before my eyes. The desolation of my circumstances hidden deep within myself desired nothing more than exposure. For years I have greatly exceeded at hiding the weighty shame on my squared shoulders. Damaged. Unworthy. Broken. Lost. Dirty. These words actively played daily in my mind, forming a deeply flawed sense of self. How can these words make up the idenity of someone who outwardly seemed to possess all markers of successful living? The Idenity of A Victim: a nasty web of hidden inner chaos covered by calculated actions. Self-control can reamin a useful tool for hidding self-m...